sonofabitch(那些年,熊孩子们让你尴尬无比的瞬间)

因为不了解社会上的种种禁忌,小孩子们说话完全不懂避讳,有时能闹出各种笑话。国外网站特地总结了一些这样的故事。下面就随双语君(微信ID:chinadaily_mobile)一起,见识一下什么叫“童言无忌...

因为不了解社会上的种种禁忌,小孩子们说话完全不懂避讳,有时能闹出各种笑话。国外网站特地总结了一些这样的故事。下面就随双语君(微信ID:chinadaily_mobile)一起,见识一下什么叫“童言无忌”吧!

1

Friend's son, 5 years old, pointed at a Muslim women in the mall wearing full garb (including face) and shouted, "Mom, a ninja!"

我朋友的孩子5岁大,他指着商场里一位穿着长袍(头部也被遮住)的穆斯林女士大叫:“妈妈看!忍者!”

2

When I was 5 or 6 we were at my Dad's company picnic. I was introduced to his boss and I told him, "My Daddy says you're a son of a bitch." My Dad's co-workers fed me ice cream all afternoon.

五六岁那会儿,我爸带我去他公司的野餐会,然后向他老板介绍我是他儿子。我冲他老板说,“我爸爸说你是个狗娘养的。”我爸的同事一下午都在喂我吃冰淇淋。

3

My three year old daughter will yell "LOOK DADDY! A GANGNAM STYLE!" whenever she see's an Asian man.

我三岁的女儿只要一看见亚洲男性就会大喊,“看!爸爸!江南Style!”

4

My 4-year-old son felt the need to warn "old" people they will die ... he told a lady in the grocery, "Old people die ... and you don’t look so good."

我那四岁的儿子觉得有必要提醒“老”人们他们有天会死……他在杂货店和一位女士说,“老人都会死啊,你看起来也不太好呢。”

5

During my divorce, while the kids and I were at Walmart buying groceries, I put a bottle of wine in my cart and my daughter yells, “Oh, look, Mom’s sad again.”

在我正办离婚那会儿,我带孩子们去沃尔玛买东西。我去拿了瓶红酒放进购物车,这时我女儿大叫,“天哪,看!妈妈又伤心了!”

6

When I was around 3 years old my dad told me that smoking was bad, and that only idiots smoke. A couple days later we walked past a smoking woman. I remembered what my dad had told me, and I said with the loudest voice possible: "Dad, look at that idiot over there smoking cigarrettes!"

我三岁那会儿,爸爸告诉我吸烟非常不好,只有傻子吸烟。几天后我们路过一个吸烟的人。我想起了爸爸的告诫,然后用我最大的音量喊道,“爸爸,看!那儿有个正在吸烟的傻子!”

7

I was the kid (sorry.) My mom is obese, and she always used to sigh, "I'm the fattest woman in the world," when she looked in the mirror. Being about four, I took this literally. One day we were in K-Mart, and I saw this REALLY huge woman in a mumu. I freaked out, pointing and yelling, "LOOK MOMMY! YOU'RE NOT THE FATTEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD, SHE IS!!"

我就是那个熊孩子(抱歉哦)。我妈挺胖的,每次照镜子她都会哀叹“我是世界上最肥的女人!”那会儿我才四岁,真觉得她应该确实是最胖的一个了。后来有一天,我们去了K-Mart,我看到了一个穿着穆穆袍的超胖的女士。那会儿真是吓死宝宝了!我指着她大喊,“妈!快看!你不是世界上最肥的,她才是啊啊啊!”

8

When I quit smoking, my 5-year-old at the time told her kindergarten teacher that she was so proud of me because I quit drugs.

我戒烟了以后,我那五岁的女儿告诉她幼儿园的老师:她老爸戒毒了,她为老爸骄傲。

9

When my kid was first learning to tell the difference between men and women, he liked to practice loudly, in public. One day we were sitting in a restaraunt, and he decided to review.

"Mom, you're a woman."

"Yes, sweetie, that's right!"

"And Papa's a man."

"Yes, right again."

"And she--" (pointing to an old lady sitting across the room from us) "she's a WITCH!". At the top of his lungs, of course.

我儿子刚刚学会分辨男女的时候,他总愿意在公共场合大声地练习。一天我们坐在餐馆里,他又要练习一会儿。

“妈妈!你是女人!”

“是的宝贝,没错。”

“爸爸是男人!”

“对啦。”

“她呢,”她指着坐在我们对面一位上了年纪的女士,“她是个女巫!”

当然,她是喊出来的。

10

There was long receiving line at a funeral, and my child blurted out, "Hurry up! I wanna see the dead body!"

葬礼上迎宾队伍排了很长,我的孩子大叫,“快点!我想看看尸体!”

11

Was riding on a public bus and my five year old put her hand on a guy's shoulder in the front seat of us and said - "This man is very fat.”

我和五岁的儿子一起坐公交车,他突然把手搭在前面那人的肩膀上说,“这男的真肥!”

12

Once we invited a couple from church over to our house for the first time, to watch a Bears game. At the time my son was 3 or 4, and would refer to the teams by their jersey color. Well, that day they were playing the Falcons, and the Bears were in white. A few minutes into the game, my son wanders up to me and quietly asks, 'Which one is Bears?' I told him it was the white team. To which he then shouts out, 'Yeah, we cheer for the white guys, because we don't like black guys, right, Dad?' I had to awkwardly say, 'Yes, the Falcons are wearing black, and today we do not like them because they're against the Bears.' Everyone laughed a bit, but there were some side glances.

有一天,一对在教堂认识的夫妇第一次来我家做客,我们一起看小熊队的比赛。我儿子那会儿三四岁,他喜欢用运动服的颜色来称呼那支队伍。那天小熊队和隼鹰队比赛,小熊队穿白衣服。

开场几分钟以后,我儿子晃荡到我边上悄悄地问,“哪边是小熊队啊?”我说是穿白衣服的那边。他接着就大叫,“耶!我们为白(衣)人加油,因为我们不喜欢黑(衣)人,是吧爸爸?”我只好尴尬地说,“是的,隼鹰队穿黑衣服,所以我们今天不喜欢他们,因为他们是小熊队的对手。”所有人都笑了一下,但也招来不少侧目。

13

My oldest son was 3-4, we were walking into a store together, and a very overweight woman was in front of us with a companion.My son looks at me and asks "mama, is she going to fit through the door?" Loud enough that the woman heard him.

我儿子三四岁,我俩一起走进一家商店。有个胖胖的女士和她朋友一起走在我俩前面。

我儿子看着我问,“妈妈,她能挤进那道门嘛?”

他问得可真大声,那女士听到了……

14

My four-year-old son walked up to a little person at the airport and said " Well you're a funny little man, but I do like your hat". Before I had a chance to apologize - the man replied, "Thank you...and I like you!"

在机场,我四岁的儿子走到一个矮个子的人面前,说,“虽然你是个滑稽的小矮子,但我喜欢你的帽子。”我还没来得及道歉,那位男士回复他,“谢谢,我喜欢你这小子!”

15

My daughter's only 1 but says some words. Sometimes, her dad and I grab each other's tummies and say "fat" or "fatty" in an affectionate way, and she looks. So the other day, some friends of my mom came over to visit and we went to a park. My daughter was playing but then came over and started saying "hello" to all the women. I guess one of them mentioned the word fat (I didn't hear it, but can't think of any other reason my daughter would've done that) so she walked over to her (coincidentally, she was the biggest one), pinched her on the leg, and said "fatty". I was so embarrassed, but everybody laughed, so obviously she kept doing it... Well, I picked her up so she would stop doing that, but she started crying "FAT, FATTYYY!" while pointing at my mom's friend.

我女儿才一岁,但能说几个单词。有的时候我和她爸爸会抓着对方肚子,亲昵地互相说着“胖”或者“肥”。她就在旁边看着。有一天,我妈妈的几个朋友来我家串门,我们一起去了公园。我女儿在一边玩,但很快就跑过来和所有女士打招呼。我猜其中一个人肯定提到了“胖”这个词,虽然我没听到,但实在想不出其他原因会令她做出下面这件事。

她走到一个最胖的女士身边,挤了挤她的腿,说,“肥!”我超尴尬的,但所有人都笑了,所以她就继续一直在喊。我把她抱起来,想让她安静点,结果她开始指着我妈的朋友大喊,“胖!肥!!”

16

My daughter Trisha was about 2 when I made her walk to the store... no stroller! So we get there, get our shopping done and at the register there comes a man in a wheelchair! Trisha looks at me and gets really mad and tells me: "That is so mean! I have to walk while he gets to drive!" Oh my I wanted to just disapear!

我女儿Trisha那会儿才两岁,我带她走到超市,然后发现没有婴儿推车了。我们买好东西,正准备走,看到了一位坐轮椅的先生。Trisha怒视着我发火了,“这真不公平!我得走道,他倒是能开车!”我那会儿真想找个缝钻进去。

17

I was at a Barnes and Noble with my son (he was 5 at the time) looking for a new book. My son has always been a talkative child and always said hello to people. While I am looking for a new book, I hear my son say hello to a man in a wheelchair. The man did not acknowledge my son and so my son repeated his greeting. The man remained silent. My son says hello and once again is ignored. My son sighs and tells me "well, I guess his ears don't work either".

我带着我五岁的儿子在Barnes and Noble,想买本新书看。他是个话很多孩子,总爱和人打招呼。我在一边找我的书,就听见儿子在那边和一个坐轮椅的男士打招呼。那男人并没理他,他就又打了一次招呼。那男的还是没反应。我儿子又打招呼,他仍没反应。最后儿子长叹一口气,对我说,“唉,看来耳朵也不咋好使啊!”

18

We were at church and they called the young children to the front to talk about tithing and stealing and they asked, “If you found some money lying on the ground, what would you do?” My then four year old daughter replied, “Finders keepers, losers weepers.”

我们带着孩子去教堂,人们叫小孩们站到前面,教育他们纳税和偷窃的事情。然后他们问,“如果看到地上有钱,你会怎么做?”我那四岁的女儿说,“捡到等于买到!丢钱活该倒霉!”

熊孩子们的口无遮拦虽然经常造成尴尬,但也带来了不少欢乐。你家是否也有这样一个开心果呢?欢迎分享他们的囧事。

编辑:祝兴媛

实习编辑:洪泽华

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  • 发表于 2023-05-03 11:23:48
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